Princess Tits!
I’ve been on the edge of my seat, haven’t you? I mean waiting to see whether the paparazzi-snapped photos of the princess sunbathing topless will make it into the mass media!
OK, no I haven’t. Considering that there’s war, hunger, rape, disease, and probably pestilence (though no one mentions that much anymore), sometimes I’m appalled at what news editors decide to feature. Until I remember that it’s based on their experience with what we consumers will devour. This week alone, besides the princess tits, there’s been a plethora of fascinating front-page topics, such as the latest Lohan tragedy, Vince Young (who?) out of the NFL, and yes, even a man who killed his wife by cooking her.
But back to the tits for a minute. Or, if you find that word offensive, then boobs, breasts, mammaries, tatas − whatever you want to call them. What is this obsession with whether or not some woman is going to show hers? (Or have them surreptitiously viewed without her permission?) The Summer Olympics news buzzed over the “wardrobe malfunction” of a female athlete – I admit I watched that underwater clip several times just to see whether there actually was a breast (results inconclusive). And the similar scene with Janet Jackson’s leathery top during a Superbowl – I missed that sports highlight, but I sure felt the media frenzy that followed. Good god, people! They’re just breasts. And we’re talking about a flash of flesh so quick that if you just happen to be caressing your nipple for a second, you might miss it.
So the princess sunbathed nude while alone with her husband on vacation. Is our obsession meant to applaud her or stone her? Do we even know? And either way, is that worth not only invading her privacy, her few minutes of peace away from the fray of nutcases who follow her every move, but also taking news time away from more important issues?
Don’t get me wrong: I love breasts. Whether high or low, full or flat, cream-colored or coffee-colored, nipples morning sky pink or midnight purple, coming in two or one, or occasionally even three, they are beautiful. They’re lovely to touch, and having them touched just the right way is a certain kind of thrill that I think few men ever experience.
But most of all, I love the way they feed our young. In a previous post, Breast Milk and Burgers, I mentioned the incredible importance of breast milk as a first food. During the second most crucial stage of human development (the prenatal period being first), breastfeeding conveys immunity and bonds an infant to its caregiver in a way that prepares the child to connect emotionally with others. It helps the woman to lose pregnancy weight and shrinks her uterus and vulva. It even delays her ovulation so that she won’t immediately become pregnant again. Talk about an efficient system! The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends a minimum of one year.
This is a conservative recommendation. Around the world, breastfeeding to three or even five years old is common and considered healthy. Unless one lives in a culture that has been brainwashed by formula manufacturers, the way North American women since the 1950’s were.
So, can’t we all just enjoy breasts as one of the great wonders of the world without getting all repressed Victorian peeping-through-the-keyhole-while-touching-our-pee-pees about it?
What’s creepy? In my book in progress, Licking the Spoon, about food, sex and relationship, I explain the difference between healthy appreciation (welcome) vs. lascivious ogling (unwelcome) of women’s assets. (Men take note!)
Well put! What an obsession we have with breast. Thank you
They’re fabulous – but some of the obsession is a bit misplaced, I think.
I love this article, it’s amusing what breasts can do thus it’s what most men look at first on a womans body
Well, Alfredo, many of us wish men would look at our eyes, first LOL! Men find it hard to control those urges, but if they did, they might get further with us!
Hahah this article sure made me laugh! lol it is very true, us men can’t help it!
I’m glad you are seeing the humor in these situations! 🙂
I’ve been seeing lately how so many women are becoming so freely with exposing their boobies and power to them! They’ve got to breathe and get some fresh air too, am I right?
Yes! Plus it just feels good to not have them all bound up! 🙂 I have long believed that it should be legal to go topless. But the thing that drives me the craziest is when women aren’t allowed to breast feed in public. Women are finally challenging that!
Rarely do I see mothers breast feeding in public. They usually use a bottle instead. The last time I saw a woman breast feeding was at the L.A County fair last year. Breast feeding in the middle of a fair is as public as it gets, though, she was using a towel to cover up.
I agree, Eric, and it’s mostly because mothers get such flack when they breastfeed in public – looks, comments. I’m not sure why women’s breasts have to be covered up at all – after all, men’s aren’t – a holdover from our Victorian past I guess. But when it interferes with the health of a child, I can’t condone it.
Thank you! I have been saying this all along. People have this weird attitude towards breasts, I mean come on, they are just boobs!
I agree, even the fact that breast-feeding in public is so looked down upon in this country is kinda ridiculous.
Yes, we are pretty ridiculous about breasts, that’s for sure!
I think breasts are meant to be a natural development and no one should be ashamed of what they posses.
I think it’s actually lovely that they’re so different, just like all our body parts!
Breasts are just breast another part of the body NO BIG DEAL! They are actually amazing! Being able to hold milk for our children to feed on and help them. Breastfeeding is amazing one of the most wonderful experience I have had!
I’m bummed that I never got to experience it, because I too agree it’s amazing!
I think breastfeeding is one of the most amazing things a woman can do. When i have children i hope i can give them that amazing nutriants, immunity, and that bonding time. I am horrified that people are so against breastfeeding in public, i mean heaven forbid, a woman giving their child a basic need for life! GASP!!!! I am with you, i LOVE boobs, maybe my experience working at a gentleman’s club and sex shop made me more relaxed about it. I just feel we should love our bodies and not feel so ashamed and hide them.
See, you already have the attitudes of a sex educator!
That article reminds me of a situation i witnessed during work, which I’d like to share with you. It was about 5:45pm when the hostess sat my first table, a young family consisting of one little girl, father, mother and baby came in to enjoy their Habichi Chicken, I remember because the father was joking about the name with his wife. Since it is Teppan more people are invited to sit at the grill until all of the chairs are taken. When the baby started crying the mother started breastfeeding her child at the table, you cannot imagine how shocked the other family was. We had to arrange another table for them, because they complained to my manager about it. Saying “it is disturbing.” I thought it was ridiculous, honestly I did not even want to serve that family anymore.
Breastfeeding is way better not only is it healthy but its way cheaper than buying tubs of baby formula.
Truth!
I remember when the photos first surfaced, and I had your exact reaction! I’m sure there were other important issues to focus on at the time (not to mention the whole privacy-invasion aspect of it all), and I specifically remember thinking, “It’s not like people haven’t seen boobs before…” Great article! Love your humor 🙂
So true! Thank you!
I remember when the photos first surfaced, and I had your exact reaction! I’m sure there were other important issues to focus on at the time (not to mention the whole privacy-invasion aspect of it all), and I specifically remember thinking, “It’s not like people haven’t seen boobs before…” Great article! Love your humor 🙂
Thank you. And you’re right about boobs!
People still needs to find the line for obsession of breast.
Breasts are wonderful, but our culture sure acts a little crazy about them. Not always in a good way.
i myself have been blessed with nice sized boobs 😛 im lacking in butt area but it seems boobs are good enough! boobs rule!!
Boobs do rule! They’re amazing force of nature, no matter their size.
well said! all of it! boobs are just boobs, now let’s feed some hungry people or stop a genocide or something! but it also struck me when you mentioned that the news we watch is based on what consumers buy…I should probably try and be a better consumer
We could all be better at that. You’re funny too: “Stop a genocide.”
It’s funny how you didn’t know who Vince Young was. Also the Janet Jackson incident caused quite a controversy for taping professional games. I believe because of those 2 seconds of flashing Live TV is now delayed 10 seconds in case of another “Janet” incident occurs, they can cut the feed before airing it.
Oh for goodness sake, it’s a breast people – get over it LOL!
I agree with William, boobs are just boobs. People freak out about nudity too much and all in all it is quite normal. Maybe we should just all be more comfortable with our bodies so we can start accepting it in social media and the public.
Being comfortable with our bodies would be a wonderful place to be!
Breasts are so beautiful and come in any range of sizes that all men should appreciate. Feeding children in public is not a bad thing and I believe that if other mammals can do it, why can’t we? We all came from somewhere and it is all a part of natural human life. Women should be entitled to nurture their child in any environment they see fit as long as it is safe.
I couldn’t agree more, Brian! Our culture has sure evolved some strange values.
“repressed Victorian peeping-through-the-keyhole-while-touching-our-pee-pees” is quite possibly the best phrase i have heard about objectifying breasts, or any part of the female body for that matter. It’s hilarious (in a sad way) that society would rather get angry about a female feeding a baby (something she is doing willingly) instead of being angry over paparazzi photos (a complete invasion of privacy) just to see some royal boobs.
I agree – it is the not haha kind of funny.
Interesting to see how someones “private life” published and distributed to the public has so much influence. It is an invasion of privacy and to have that highlight the news is disappointing to say the least. The thrill of seeing something so private to someone is what drives viewership but like you said there is more to breasts than invading someones privacy.
Yes, and plus the whole obsession with celebrities is something that I just don’t understand. It seems to be very shallow compared to what I would like to see more about – uplifting stories about people who do great things for humankind that might motivate people to try a little harder.
The media just makes everything a whole big issue that it really isn’t. Like c’mon, have you not seen breasts before? Everybody has them, women just develop them more and have a purpose for them being on her chest. I find it wrong that the media just does what they want. Why not make a story about some issues going on instead of worrying about boobs. We were supposed to be naked, but Adam and Eve messed that one up for us. Nudity shouldn’t be such an issue in our modern society.
I like your point about issues, and I wish we heard more about real people doing good things than just ‘celebrities’.
couldn’t said any better myself!!
Thank you!
majority of girls, i feel are defensive about their private parts or shy and i can tell, i get a general read and i like to expand their horizon to the beauty that they possess yet they may not even be aware. the fact that you brought up the mamillary gland and how it contributes to immunities is great, that is one reason why i would never want to use enfamil or symalac. there is a bond that grows and that cant be experienced, i know this and im a guy. or i believe so much into it and i am a guy. The mighty breast is something that can make me drop to my knees and should never be neglected and to you dbags who ignore the women with little boobs, its people like you that destroy a girls vision of herself. The factors contributing to beauty are endless and can be sparked in a matter on a moment ,to me thats the unique thing about women, you are all like fingerprints when it comes to your bodies and mind. I want to build some awareness lol or help. all shapes sizes and colors excepted and most of all admired.
ps 5 years old is too insane im sorry thats a definite nopppeeee
You too have an evocative writing style – “The mighty breast is something that can make me drop to my knees” – I love it, LOL!
#freethenipple
Sounds good to me!
When I first started reading this blog, I immediately remember when this story came about to the public eye. Of course I knew those photos would never be leaked because of the royal family. Europe is very open to laying out topless or even nude. The human body is beautiful and so I don’t see anything wrong with the imagination of tanning topless. I appreciate the honesty you have about breasts, and found your versatile description of breast kind of funny. I enjoy the truth with a bit of humor.
I’m glad you liked it, Kimberly! Yes, breasts are beautiful. And Americans are often prudes.
Breasts are beautiful but often kept private so when we do hear about someone royal and naked we get a little too excited. Now the Kardashians and other stars have made topless pics very normal. Personally I feel breasts should be private and intimate. Not for everyone to see.
I respect your opinion! As for me, I wish women did not have to wear bathing suit tops – they’re uncomfortable! I guess I think it should be a personal choice.
Your points are exactly what I think everytime a news headline of a scandalous “nip slip” appears! They are only boobs! The media tends to catagorize boobs as something that should never be seen, that should be conformed to darkness, when in reality they should be praised for their capability in nurturing and providing nutrition to a human life! Great article!
I agree, the “nip slip” obsession is ridiculous!
Once again, this was a really incredible and thought-provoking article. I especially like how breasts come in all shapes and sizes. You described the differences so perfectly, too! It’s honestly awful how those larger companies prey on our insecurities. Reading this article makes me wish my mom appreciated how the two of us naturally look instead of how we /should/ look according to society’s standards. I hope women find more supportive people like you, Professor Hoggan! This article made me laugh and cheered me up. I’ll be sure to share it if I ever get the chance. I’ve also learned to appreciate asymmetrical breasts when a friend brought this to my attention. Whatever you may call them, I don’t think breasts warrant this much attention for the reasons you cited in the article. Thank you for sharing!
Breasts are beautiful! As are our human bodies that bear the signs of our living. I’m so glad you enjoyed this essay. Thanks for reading, and yes please share!
So well written, women should not have to feel uncomfortable for something that we naturally have.
I agree! And frankly, bathing suit tops are uncomfortable.
Interesting topic Professor. In certain parts of Europe, it is common to see women topless in the beach. No one really makes a fuss about it. Why is it different here? I remember seeing in one of those Yahoo news a female celebrity transitioning to a man had pictures of before with blurred parts and after photos were not., It is the same nipples folks!