Is Sex Fair?
The first time I pondered this question was with my group of 6th grade girl classmates who had just been shown ‘the period movie’ without the boys.
“Boys don’t have periods! It’s so UNFAIR!” we moaned. What we didn’t know was that boys jizz in their PJs and then have to try to hide them from mom on laundry day; now doesn’t that seem a bit unfair? And I can’t help but wonder: While we were seeing ‘the period movie,’ did they get ‘the jizz movie’? If not, that’s more than a bit unfair!
The next time it came up was when we learned more about the real deal of childbirth. “Men don’t have to go through that! It’s so UNFAIR!” we cried. Only later would we learn that men don’t have a say in whether we keep a pregnancy – not a legal say, anyway, though they do have louder and sometimes more dominating opinions. Nor do they have a say in whether they have to pay child support – again, not a legal say, but plenty vote with their feet. On the other hand, women can actually DIE during pregnancy and childbirth, so why shouldn’t we have the say and men have to pay? Not to mention how our backs go all wonky (forever) and our straight hair frizzes or our curly hair goes limp (forever), plus he didn’t want to use a condom in the first place. Where is the fairness in all that?
The boy who most wanted my virginity told me that he was getting some from an older woman, and he was so sorry, but he couldn’t really give that up – well, unless… Today I might think I was being played, but she actually drove up and whisked him off while he was talking to me, a resolute look on her pretty but mature face. I remember thinking that even though she knew sex tricks I didn’t, I could learn sex tricks (couldn’t I?) Whereas she was old and would continue to get older while I was still young. Now why that soothed my hurt feelings I’m not sure – because I would get older too (wouldn’t I?) And right then he was driving off with her while I stood alone on a street corner with my ‘precious gift.’ Who got the fair end of that?
The age thing came up again when I was an attractive young woman driving a series of somewhat rundown heaps. I saw the women of a certain age and status in their sports and luxury cars. I thought, why can’t I have one of those; doesn’t it make more sense for a hot girl to be driving a hot car? (Yes, at times I could really be that shallow.) Now I’m the mature woman, and I just went back to driving a sexy black Mustang GT. Ultimately I think it’s fair that I do, considering that I also have the battle scars of my age, plus I’ve put in the time on my career to afford the car I want. Nature sure has a way of evening things out.
Now some of my mature women friends talk about how some men of a certain age don’t seem to want sex as much anymore. Whereas we want it more than ever! “Where is their testosterone? It’s so UNFAIR!” we sigh. Well, back when we were the pretty young things driving the dumpy worn-out cars, young men were being driven nearly mad with that testosterone. And hand in hand with their high desire was a low sophistication about how to actually get a woman into bed. Furthermore, many of the young women they desired were more interested in the flowery compliments, the roses, the steak dinner, the jewelry, than in the hungry mouth that would jam its tongue down their throats or the hard erection that would chafe and leave that aforementioned jizz in their vaginas. But later, many of those boyz-2-men pay it back, whether they mean to or not. Their waning testosterone can mean they’re more interested in the beer and ball games or the easy porn on the internet than in richer but more complicated sex with their mates. Poor us!
What can we do about these discrepancies? Is the ‘war’ between the sexes unwinnable?
Maybe when one of us wins, none of us wins. Maybe winning just doesn’t promote the equity and empathy that are so crucial to a happy mentality and a healthy relationship. What serves us better, if I can steal a couple cliches, is to understand that when the grass seems greener on the other side, it’s often just that we can’t see the forest for the trees. It’s not easy to be alive, whether female or male. It’s not easy to be young, it’s not easy to be old, and it’s not easy in between. But I’ll still take that over the alternative. Won’t you?
In my book Licking the Spoon, I discuss the differences between the sexes that can threaten relationships, and some strategies for dealing with them.
Really unfair , 🙂
Wonder what you mean by that… 🙂
Thank you for another amazing story
Glad you enjoyed it, Diana!
Really enjoyed the story. Thanks for the trip down memory lane. Oh, if only I had the wisdom from my years back then when any of those “it’s not fair” moments came up. Now I’m learning to just take one day at a time and ” be happy to wake up breathing” as mom used to say. She gave up the battle of what’s fair a long time ago.
Too exhausting…..and you’re right, no real winners.
Don’t make us wait so long for your next story. Love reading your writings.
Thank you Fran! I will try to be more timely with my postings. Glad you enjoyed the reminiscing!
Isn’t that the truth!! Keep up the good work!! 😉
I try, Chelsea. It’s just hard to find the time sometimes, especially since I’m working on other writing.
I always enjoy reading your stories!!! So happy when you write a new one. (:
Great story and well written.
Thank you Barbara, and thanks for reading!
Great read! I really liked what you wrote “Maybe when one of us wins, none of us wins. Maybe winning just doesn’t promote the equity and empathy that are so crucial to a happy mentality and a healthy relationship. ” I think that a lot of times many of us see it as a competition but in the end “winning” doesn’t promote anything at all.
So true, Eva, and yet so many couples get into battles to see who can come out on top. 🙁 Maybe they should just take turns being on top in bed! 🙂
Good story, really enjoyed reading it
Thank you. Hope you’ll keeping reading!
Sex seems to be pretty fair. In the end everything gets turned around. Women should be the ones to decide whether or not men should pay for our expenses when pregnant and during the child’s development. Although, I do believe that men should be taught about their jizz accidents as adolescents.
I agree that there seem to be some fairnesses and some unfairnesses on both sides!
Driving a fast car, hot girl friends, muscles, and having money are important to men these days but we forget that there’s much more to getting a woman into bed. Women want to feel above all else an object of a man’s desire when compared to his “low testosterone” habits. It’s not fair for either sex but sometimes the partner can make things much more complicated than things should really be.
Mo Money Mo Problems
A partner can be your greatest joy – or your greatest heartache. I wish we all got better coaching on how to be the former!
I like the story. It is a fact that when men tend to get older sex becomes less with older women but older men also tend to be attracted to younger women. I believe that older men still desire for sex for younger women.
I think for many that’s true, Milo. A biological attraction to the hour-glass figure that spells fertility. But where does that leave older women?
It’s so unfair that many men get intimidated by a women who are successful and better off then them. We live in a society where men always wanted to dominate everything and women should only have a submissive role.
That’s changing, just sooo slowly.
This is true, but at the same time society looks down less upon young males having healthy relationships with their bodies (either with another person or themselves). Ultimately, most repression and lack of education (in all genders) does seem to be rooted in internalized sexism and patriarchally based ideals.
I can’t argue with that!
Desire wanes differently for each individual and for men and women it can be substantially different. Age proves to be a difference maker in sexual desire, and I believe experience in coitus for males might be another deciding factor as to why their sexual interest is not as high as before. What do you think?
Well, I’m not exactly sure what you mean about experience. Do you mean they have experience and so are bored? Or something else? I know the waning hormone testosterone has a lot to do with it. And if men have not taken care of their health, that’s a factor too.
But is it really a matter of unfairness? Don’t get me wrong, this was a wonderful read and I enjoyed it very much but I believe it’s more of a matter of perspective. I wouldn’t say it’s unfair that we have to deal with terrible cramps and stained sheets every month– it just happens. Not having nice cars at a prime (attractive) age? It’s not that it’s fair, it’s just most people’s incomes at that age won’t allow for that. So is it really unfairness? Or is it just a matter of perspective and how we internalize these “situations”?
I don’t know, just a thought 🙂
(Like I always try to say when something seems unfair “Why me? Why not me?”
I like your questions to yourself when something seems unfair! “Why not me?” Most people never ask that. And yes, the things I’m describing are situations that just happen, not necessarily something we can do anything about. I was just musing!
That’s interesting. I enjoyed timeline of the thoughts. I guess there’s always going to be problems at every age.
Yes, life is not easy, is it? But so enjoyable (mostly)!
Men do enjoy some advantages and privileges that women do not have, but women also have privileges men do not have. For example, on a night out, women are always getting in for free, while I have to pay $20. They receive free drinks, while I have to pay $10 for mine. There are countless examples of where both men and women get away with things because of their “sex” or gender. I think this piece brings up a good point about both males and females both looking others and thinking “why can’t that be me?”. When we see others with things we do not have, we want to have those things because we may feel that we deserve those thing through the good person that we are or the hard work that we have done. I think it is mostly a feeling of life’s overall feelings and emotions that we have as humans.
I agree with you. So many human emotions are just universal.
I ask myself everyday “ugh why can’t guys have periods and babies?” Boy, would it be nice to change roles for a day or a week. I always find my boyfriend telling me that cramps are just cramps, or stop being emotional. It’s irritating, but that’s life. I now realize how great it is to be a woman. We get to experience holding life inside of us and giving birth, unless one is unable to. But we get to be women and really show men that we can do things better or just as great as them. I agree with you that I find myself thinking “why can’t I have that car? I can afford the payments.” But then I know that I can wait for those materialistic things and I don’t need them in order to be better than a man.
Yes, there are many special things about being a woman!
Interesting point of view- maybe it’s not quite as uneven as I previously thought, but I still believe women got the short end of the stick!
I know what you mean Arianna. Just wanted to show both sides a little.
At times, I have thought about how unfair it was that females had to be the ones that had periods and gave birth, but I’ve never thought about what males have to go through as well. I’m very glad that I read this, it really changed my perspective. Thank you! 🙂
You’re welcome! I think it helps to remember that none of us has it easy – even if it seems so.
I think sex is fair because sex is tied in to gender. That means that people regardless will have expectation of male and female. Male have to deal being the ideal man and female being the ideal women in life. Although i do believe that women deals with more pain than men by anatomy wise.
You bring up a good point about having to live up to “ideals”.
Sometimes I think it’s fair, other times it can not be due to x y z variables of everyone’s different perception. Great blog though!
Just raising some ideas… 🙂
You have an amazing way with words! I definitely agree that it’s unfair!
In my experience, when it comes to sex, I am always the “pleaser” and often my partner refuses to reciprocate after they have finished. Sometimes I wonder how it’d be to be with a mature/experienced partner!
Even a mature partner can be selfish. But an experienced, or maybe even just sensitive, partner would know that the greater pleasure is possible when both people achieve ecstasy. You might try holding back until you feel your partner has your interest in mind.
great article! and yeah some times sex seems unfair but some times is just a matter of realizing where we are standing and enjoying our resources according to our age, before time passes and we missed many great sex opportunities.
“Enjoying our resources” – I like that too.
Your final statement and question resonated the most with me. Sure, life can be unfair, but I’ll take the fortune of being alive over an eternity of unconsciousness. The more I learn about the history of the universe, the history of life’s evolution, or the history of anything at all, the more I realize how unlikely and improbable our existence is. Here we are, born from the chaos of infinite possibilities, conscious. Conscious of the world, conscious of ourselves, conscious of others, conscious of intangible emotions and feelings between us and within us. So yes, I do agree with what you have to say Professor Hoggan. Even if life is unfair, I would still take it over the alternative.
I love this line of yours: Here we are, born from the chaos of infinite possibilities, conscious.
Good post! I too have thought many times how unfair it is that women go through monthly periods and cramps, and childbirth and everything else we go through but then remember that men have things that we don’t have to go through and think where one sex has it easier the other doesn’t. I’m just glad that if I’m ever turned on in public nobody can notice like they’re able to notice in a man with a stiff bulge coming from their basketball shorts. Haha
Haha, they do get very embarrassed about that!
Very interesting and insightful look on how different girls and boys perceive their sexuality, and how they react to it as they grow older. Great read, and great article that really makes you think about sex and gender!
It’s a topic that has so much to think about, isn’t it? I barely scratched the surface!
This story has so much truth to it! It does seem unfair that us women have periods, give birth, then go through all these hormonal changes throughout life and then get menopause! Men sit back and watch, or just think we are crazy! I especially could relate to your thoughts on the grass is always greener. It is so true how no matter what age or how beautiful one is, That there is always someone that is younger or has more money and their life seems better. I see this with my clients because I do hair. The ones with curly hair want their hair straight the ones with straight want their hair curly. People are never satisfied!
This is so true, sometimes things in life are just not fair.
First thing I would have to say is honestly I laughed because i remember when i was in elemetry school and the girl went to one class the boys went to another. So that brought back memories thanks for that ahha. But, back to the subject when it come to this I really dont see it as a mater of fair i feel like that is life and their are struggles for both male and females. There would be no point on me having to watch that video if im a boy why that isn’t going to happen to me. So it is a sad truth but it is reality and there is not way to change it girls have things they have to go through and so do guys and thats the end of the story.
We all have issues, some the same, some different!
Women do seem to have more bodily extremities than males and this is something I will personally always admire about the “Woman”. I can definitely say that as a male, I do not envy women in any way shape or form. I do find it interesting that male and female sexual “clocks”, don’t coincide. With women having more of a drive later in life and men having it earlier in life. Although, I do wonder if thats because men choose more with their eyes rather than their hearts and at an age where what was once pleasing to the eye is not as pleasing as before, women have grown into a superior sexual beings that can appreciate the true meaning and pleasures of sex.
I’ve heard an evolutionary explanation of the difference you describe. It’s called resistance. The theory is that it’s nature’s way of keeping the sexes off-balance and interested in each other. Hmmm…
I can relate to this story so much. I really love your stories. They are amazing.
Thank you! I’m hoping there is something for just about everyone.
I remember that women video from middle school. The “Just around the corner~” jingle would be that catchy tune all the girls remember because it was dug deep into our brains. My first thought were wondering how long this “period” would last because one situation would have a period for a month. Must be an old outdated video but anyways is this T.M.I.? Sorry but anyways when I first started I ran to my mom and she just did a quick explanation that ended with “you’ll get used to it.” So female vs. male. I honestly think it would be women winning because come one “pregnancy” its without a doubt unfair to go through. Maybe in the future there will be a pregnancy stimulator for men haha….
I feel like sometimes it can be unfair and other times it is fair. Maybe it depends on how much support the person is getting from their partner and friends and family or maybe depending on financial situations. Obviously the biological differences can be seen as being unfair on the womens’ side. Coming from a guy. A few wet dreams at an early age and hiding it is a small negative compared to the women who have to deal with periods each month for around 3 decades.
I hear what you’re saying. I might surprise some by saying that I missed my periods when they stopped. A little. Sometimes. LOL. Mostly because when I had them I knew I was fertile and in sync with the universe.
I think men and women both have their share of responsibilities. Yes, women have to endure a wide variety of pain throughout their lives, but men are left with the responsibility to take care of the family… emotionally, physically and financially. Yes, that might not seem very hard but it all depends on the current situation of everything. Over all, life is a bitch sometimes. Everyone should focus on the positive more than the negative. Plus, sex is always a great way to forget the negative too… atleast for a little while. :p
I agree both sexes have their challenges. I like your suggestion about the positive attitude – and sex! 🙂
Really fascinating, as I have often thought of it as unfair. But now I can understand all of this a little better! thanks for that!
We always think the grass is greener on the other side, till we take a closer look…
Great story!!!
Thank you, Jennifer!
This was a nice story. I really liked how you wrote about both sides because I always thought women had it worst on some aspects in life but I can see that men can go through some hard times as well.
Yes, and it really helps us to remember this. No one (men included) likes feeling as if their struggles are not appreciated.
Your hit it right on the pin! That is so true. Its either one wins and the other does not! It can never be both but i enjoyed your story and i agree with what you have to say!
It’s helpful to remember that we’re all in this life together and all have our challenges.
I find it crazy that you said that a man lost his want for sex. Most men want sex more! But i liked your story and found it very interesting!
It’s not uncommon for older men to lose some interest. It helps if you stay physically healthy and nurture the relationship with your partner.
hahaha i totally picture you having a mustang, i bet you had one back in the day.
I hate when guys press girls who have guidelines, i mean thats not cool to make someone feel like they have to do something or they will leave you. a virgin is something to be treated with care. the psychological factors and environment are important.
life unfortunately always seems unfair especially between men and women. that includes everything you have stated and there have been a lot of issues throughout history with equality. the thing is, we will never be equal, there are many ways that women win and many ways that men win. one just has to accept and be happy with who they are and stick to that.
What an ass. I can totally picture you seeing him on the road one day.
You’re at a stoplight.
He’s in a 1997 Toyota Corolla. The front bumper is gone.
You’re in you just washed Mustang GT.
You lock eyes.
He rolls down the window, in awe.
You roll yours down too.
He starts to say something.
The light turns green.
You put on your sunglasses.
Flip him off.
And speed away.
Beautiful.
Wow! What creative imagery, Joy!
After reading this article i was actually surprised because in my opinion i think its fair because women and men both have struggles and they go through different things they might not be the same but we all face difficulties one way or another.
That’s exactly what I think. Although it’s true that women are more vulnerable to violence and discrimination.
completely agree with this ! this war against sexes is totally unwinnable
“Unwinnable” is a perfect word for it! We all lose if we try to “win”.
I can see that sex may seem unfair to females, or to males. I think age is a huge factor in understanding the fairness of sex. For example, when I was younger I believed that the boys had it easy. In my opinion, as one gets older and enhances their knowledge, females and males can see both sides to the degree of whether sex is more fair to the opposite sex or not.
I agree with you, which was exactly my point!
I really enjoyed this post. Growing up I always thought that it was unfair that females had to go through periods and mood swings and other stuff, and I always thought to myself “gosh guys have it so easy I wish I was a guy.” However, with time I learned the beauty of being a female, and I understood better the things that males have to go through. Like you said they have to worry about hiding their Jizz on their Pjs, especially when it’s on an all-female house. There are some things about both gender that are unfair, such as pay amount, benefits and such, but having a period is not unfair it’s a natural for the female body. I do find it a little funny how life changes as you grow and suddenly you want the things that you had before, but at the same time there’s things that make up for it like your example with a luxurious car. Moreover, I think you win when you are truly and genuinely happy, and time and age do not matter for this.
I don’t think its fair at all. I find it crazy that males over time loose interest in sex and we want it more! Whats that about?!
I think it’s because their testosterone drops, while we become more comfortable with our sexuality, and assertive.
I thought this was definitely a very interesting post, and true at that. We’re always so preoccupied with who has it better and trying to win this ridiculously long battle of the sexes. Ultimately I think that as a guy I have it much better, I’d rather deal with awkwardness over periods any day heh. However, I’m not looking forward to getting much older in relation to all the fun stuff that happens to the body. Life is gonna be a great adventure I suppose.
Yes, life is a great adventure! It’s a bummer what happens to us as we get older, but believe it or not, there are some payoffs that make it worth it. Not that we have a choice. But we have a choice in our attitude, I guess.
This was definitely a great article. I remember when I got the “you’re gonna have a period” talk from my mom. I remember thinking “why me?” Now that I am older, I am excited that I have a period. I was able to bare 2 beautiful boys and that is something that my husband cannot do and he was jealous the whole time I was pregnant. He had to wait to have his connection with the boys but mine was automatic. I just love how women are the only one’s that can bare life.
That’s cute hearing that your husband was jealous! And your comment about him having to wait to bond, but yours was automatic, is very astute.
I really enjoyed reading this blog. It relates a to so many people. We girls always think we have it harder the next guys. It’s hard to not compare, but they’ve just have different qualities that are “unfair”.
That’s what many years of hearing from both sexes has taught me!
I love your insight on this topic, as nobody other than an experienced woman (experience as in life experience) could shed light onto something as polarized as this. I maintained the thought in adolescence that women had it way harder than men – periods, childbirth, pressure to look pretty with makeup- but now that I’m older, I understand the “unfairness” of my circumstances as a man, as well as the consequences of my irresponsibility. I still hate using condoms, but aren’t condoms cheaper than diapers??
Condoms are WAY cheaper than diapers and WAY less work if one is not ready for parenthood. I like the way you think!
Keep up the good work!!
Thanks for reading. I’m glad you’re enjoying my posts!
This was a great read! Allowed me to view the males perspective better. We should never fully judge someone because we think that our life is better or worse and automatically assume that the other person is in a sense inferior.
It took me a lot of years to understand that some things are just as hard for them, just different.
I never thought about what guys have to go through. It’s “unfair” for both of us. Just in different ways. Even with having to deal with periods and whatnot, I love being a woman!
I do, too! And I think it’s good for both sexes to realize that everything isn’t easy for the other.
I loved reading this post because it gives an opportunity for your readers to view both sides of the spectrum. As a woman, I often disregard how a man may feel about women having a period or giving birth. Women do have a lot to handle but so do men and I think that this topic needs to be addressed more than it is. Thank you for sharing your story!
I’m glad my post got you thinking about this issue!
I never realised how our age can affect our perception of fairness.
It’s partly just a matter of maturing!
Wow.. never really thought about guy’s perspective! Every girl has complained at least once about how unfair it is to have to go through period, mood swings, cramps, child birth, etc. Though we never gave a thought about what’s unfair for guys. Great post!
I’m glad it was enlightening about the man’s perspective!
It is funny how we always compare ourselves to the men but in the end we know GIRL POWER rules!!!!
I love both sexes, but as a woman I am a big fan of GIRL POWER! 🙂
Wow. I never really saw it fully from both ways. I’ve always thought women had it way harder than men, but you are definitely right when we have our own difficulties.
I believe in reducing tension between the sexes, and understanding is the way to go!
i really think women have it way harder we are even judged when we women want to have sex more often then men i say men dont fully understand what women need to get off it is way more complicated and it only gets harder when men make us feel like we have the issue of taking too long getting an orgasm
I agree some men are like that, and it’s probably because they watch porn where the woman has multiple orgasms after 2 minutes of stimulation. Faking, of course! But a real genuinely concerned partner usually wants to learn. We need to learn ourselves first and then teach them! But orgasm is only one aspect of sex, and I think there are some areas that are more difficult for men.
Wow, I never thought about the males perspective. It is so true to see what they go through as well. Personally, I totally agree that us females still have the harder part in life as to what we go through including, giving birth, periods, and intercourse. But yes both sexes have difficulties and its all just a matter of how to handle these certain situations.! thank you, such a great blog once again!!! 🙂
I like trying to show different sides when it comes to sex. Thank you for reading!
I never really thought about the male perspective until reading this. We are too busy worrying about our selves and complaining about the things we go through that we forget that there is another side to all of this.
And it’s very important to remember that we’re all human, isn’t it!
Sucks to know that both sexes have their own problems to deal with.
But again yet another amazing post to read!
I think it’s helpful to realize that we all have issues, they’re just different sometimes.
Just learned about this in my human sexuality class and its really unfortunate that my future holds of low testosterone levels. ahaha. As far as ‘winning’ between sexes like you said, its the balance of nature and I also agree with you that if one sex wins none wins.
Everybody’s sex hormones go down as we age, but usually other things become more important.
This was a great read. I never really thought about how our age can change our desire for sex. This was very insightful and an eye opener.
The changes that come throughout our lives are amazing! Not all positive, but part of the journey.
As a gay man, I personally have seen how men are portrayed through the media at times to be superior when it comes to women. I dislike the notion, the social norm, and personally believe that it is unfair on how women aren’t seen as fully equal to that of Man. However, as time passes and progresses, more and more equality is being shown between both sexes which is a step in the right direction. Reading this post also gave me an insight on the perspectives of both men and women, so thank you for this.
I love how you spoke with such clarity, great post!
Thanks for reading!
I really like the part where it’s said that we, girls, tend to say that it’s unfair we have to go through periods, childbirth and such, since I can relate to saying that when I was younger. However, now that I’m older and also by taking a human sexuality class, it’s not only us that have to go through things but also men and by reading this article it helps give a little more insight in that one sex doesn’t have to go through things more than the other. It’s more of that we both in different ways experience changes.
Yes, we have different experiences in some areas, and it’s helpful to have empathy for what each other goes through.
This was an insightful read, as I had always just focused on the unfairness women have to go through, unlike men. Men still have some privilege over women, but that goes without saying that they also have to deal with some unfair things such as maybe not having a say in a pregnancy and having to pay unwanted child support. This also made me think and realize that in reality, there is no real winning. Especially between both genders.
You’re right about the male privilege, and that must be rectified. But all of us are just human beings, and it doesn’t help to objectify or demonize the other.
I loved reading this! Sexual development is a never ending roller coaster for both sexes and there is a balance to everything in my opinion. Something I shared in common with a lot of my high school girl friends, was a strategic, sneaky trip to Planned Parenthood when we didn’t want our parents to know we were sexually active. Waiting for two hours in a small waiting room with crying children just to find out if you we were pregnant or had an STD. Despite the stress behind it, Planned Parenthood saved our little teenage lives when we felt scared to get help from our parents. With the new leadership pushing to get rid of Planned Parenthood, it worries me that too few men know the level importance it has to young girls, and that the lack of this outlet could be the difference between life and death for a young woman. In this way I think it is so important for each sex to put effort in to understanding and supporting the others’ sexual difficulties.
I always grew up thinking that it was unfair that I would have to go through periods, pregnancy, and labor. After reading this, I realize that men do have some issues to manage with their own sexual delevopment. I am beginning to see that the “unfairness” is actually just our differences that make us each gender. Although men don’t have to suffer the embarrassing ordeals concerning periods, or the pain experienced during labor, I am happy to go through these experiences as it is an integral part of who I am, a woman.
You’re right, it’s all part of being a woman (or a man) and a beautiful thing!
It’s hard to be a woman, but it’s also hard to be a man. We must understand that both sexes have their own unique problems to deal with. Women have to deal with the pain and forever life-changing realities that childbirth brings, and men have to pay for this dependent child for many years to come. Is sex really fair? I guess since both sexes have their drawbacks, it evens out! Thank you for the wonderful read!
I agree it evens out in many ways, but I do think that women still have a way to go to have equal pay, protection of reproduction rights, etc.
This post was very insightful. I remember being in middle school and thinking: why do only women have periods and have to go through the negative side effects such as moodiness, cramps, pimples, tiredness, etc and men don’t? Why can’t they go through something similar so it can be “fair”? At the time I didn’t know what wet dreams were, but now I can understand that it can be something embarrassing that these boys don’t want to speak about, just as us girls when we have our period. Another point was pregnancy- “why do us girls have to go through nine months of torture creating a human inside of us?” while men don’t have a legal say in whether the pregnancy should go through and if they should pay child support. Depending on the situation, it could be that the woman wants to go through the pregnancy and the man is not ready, or the man wants the woman to go through the pregnancy and supports her while the woman is not ready to become a mother. In those cases, it is hard for either to “win”. I do not believe that the sexes are necessarily fair, but I do believe that each of the sexes go through their own sets of problems which makes us unique from one another and shapes us into who we are down the line. Great post.
Very good points. I agree with you that we all go through things, and we may not know what someone else struggles with.
I think at a young age, we get too focus on our own gender and not thinking is maybe the opposite gender has difficulties too. I would say a lot of girls my age would claim we have it worse and in some aspects I agree, but now to think about it, boys also go through hard times just like us. I loved this reading! Thank you!
You’re welcome! I try to find the balance in life and follow that old adage about walking a mile in another person’s shoes.
I believe that males and females both have their upsides and wonsides. There are things we both struggle with and things we both quite enjoy about our gender. But i still think being a girl is harder;)
You’re not alone in thinking that! (Some would say harder, but better! 🙂 )
This was very philosophical and I loved it. Sex is relatively unfair because as you mentioned, the grass always looks greener on the other side. On dating apps it’s harder for men to be swiped on, whereas an average looking female will attract more swipes than she can count. Dating itself usually involves the idea that the man should always take the initiative, pay for dinner, and spend all their effort and time trying to woo their female date while she sits there playing hard to please and text her friends while he’s in the restroom about how he forgot to open the door for her. These are few examples from the males’ perspective, but when it comes down to it, people will almost always take the side of their sex. For us women, it’s hard to empathize with the other sex because we only know the hardships of being female, and have never experienced the hardships of being male. And vice-versa.
That’s a very insightful summary, Victoria! Thanks for reading.
I never realized the unfairness men have to put up with it because it seems like we do all the hard work. This was certainly a very eye-opening post!
I’m glad! You know that old saying, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” But when you’re on the other side, even through a story, you see that it is not without rough patches, etc.
I never thought that sex would be view of whether or not it is fair or unfair. It was great to read about the different perspective on males and females. I think sex is fair, overall. Haha. It is different for both of us. If I can choose, I would like to be a guy next time!
That would sure be interesting, wouldn’t it? At least for a day, haha.
First and foremost, I IMMEDIATELY had to read up on pregnancy and hair, because I never knew it changes your hair texture! When I started dating men it was like night-and-day as opposed to dating women, especially because younger men definitely lack the sophiscation women of the same age do. But regardless, your lasting statement is applicable to both sexes, and through equity and empathy, everybody wins in the end!
Pregnancy changes a lot of things, and so do age and maturity. I like your comment about equity and empathy!
This article was truly interesting. I always thought that being a female was way harder than being male. I guess I never really considered the struggles and disadvantages men have. However, after reading this article I have taken in counter that men have it hard too! Both genders go through a lot and it simply isn’t easy being human.
I love your last line, and it’s so true!
As from what I understood from this blog is that in different ages we see things as unfair such as wealth, sexual drive, or even our own looks. We become more needy of things we don’t have instead of accepting the things we have. And of course people do tend to change throughout time.
It’s always easy to think we have it harder than the other guy (or girl)!
What an interesting topic to explore! I often find myself playing the is it fair game; I usually feel that I got the short end of the stick or that I really got lucky. I don’t think this is a very productive way of thinking though. Your conclusion explained it all. It is simply difficult to be a human despite gender or sex. I wonder how this could be applied to more fluid gender identities or trans people.
You pose a very good question. I would imagine some people who are fluid or trans feel they got the short end, but on the other hand, some may feel they got the best of both worlds! Nothing is easy though.
In my opinion, the origin of inequality between men and women is determined by the mode of production. Although the difference in physiological structure is fundamental, each group will have individual privileges, but it cannot represent the entire group. Physiological differences have led to differences in the social division of labor, and pregnancy has gradually become a disadvantage for women in the workplace.
You make some interesting points. Thanks for reading!
Hi Lynda!
I enjoyed this post, and it definitely opened my eyes a bit, it is certainly easy to complain and not see the other side of things. Something that first came to mind for me when reading the title mostly had to do with the imbalance of effort and energy during sexual intercourse. From what I’ve heard from heterosexual women is that they are often doing whatever is necessary to allow the man to “get off” meanwhile some men can’t even find the clit or perform foreplay? Hm, sure sounds unfair to me.
Unfortunately there is truth in what you say. If people – all genders – received comprehensive sex education, we might not have men learning sex from porn, where what you describe is true.
Hi Lynda,
What a very interesting blog and your perception of men and how there are many unfair thoughts that run through their heads as well. Many girls do not consider “mens” feelings due to the stereotype that they always have to be strong, show no emotion, pay the bills, always work to keep a roof over the families heads, etc. This moment of time it is very different because we see single mothers out taking care of themselves and their children, or just single men taking care of their children, as well… gay men, gay woman, just independent individuals in general.
The whole concept of family is changing! I think the more we can understand each other – and see what we all have challenges – the better.
Change is apart of growth. Females mature much earlier than males. It’s unfortunate that as we get older male testosterone levels lower, as you brought up a great point woman want sex as they mature.
Yes, sometimes the disparities can seem very unfair…
This article is was very helpful to me, albeit in a way that I don’t like. I tend to see men as this evil monolith. In my logical mind, I know that there are great men, and men who go through struggles just as bad, or even worse, than mine. This was a reminder that those men do exist. For all my life I have had to fight the patriarchy at every turn, and men embody the patriarchy. It’s so easy to just dismiss them as horny, visceral creatures whose goal is to make my life hard. I have so many great men in my life and I ignore the fact that they exist because of my anger. Sometimes I don’t even want to see things from men’s perspective because I hate them and I want them to suffer as much as I have. Thank you for clearing my eyes. What we need is to work together in order to face our problems (if possible–I don’t think we can really do anything about periods or the natural decline of testosterone levels).
I completely hear what you’re saying! In my 20’s – with the burgeoning new wave of feminism opening our eyes – I was so angry I could hardly stand it. That anger is not healthy and in the end hurts us, not them. I am glad I was able to turn it around and see men as co-humans (while still holding responsible those who do hurt us.)
I love how you showed the perspective on both men and women. I think there is no defining way on who has it easier. Men have it easier on some aspects while women have it easier on others. Each gender comes with their own pros and cons which can be grave or miniscule.
Very good assessment, Eliseo. I agree!
I liked how you talked about the questions of unfairness you’ve had as you got older that im sure aligned with many concerns other women had. I like also how you touched on the male aspect. There is definitely a gender barrier between us that keeps us from truly understanding one another. However, it is something worth talking about as we grow to have a mutual respect for one another.
Yes, the differences between the sexes has long been a topic of conversation and writing! Thanks for reading.